My ideal engagement

     So here's the build up to this epic engagement that must happen...  I'm currently in Arizona with Pie over the Christmas break, and we've gone to his church the past 2 Sundays I've been here.  Last Sunday, he introduced me to all his friends.  One girl he went to high school with was there (the apparent daughter of the pastor).  I had gone outside to make a phone call, so all this is secondhand to me.
     She asked him how long we had been dating, and he answered, "Almost a year, in January."  So then she asked if he was going to marry me.
     Pie = 0____0
     He answers and says he doesn't know yet, and she's like, "A year is a loooong time!"  She reveals that she's been dating her boyfriend for a year.  Pie asks her if he's going to propose soon.  The girl crosses her fingers and is like, "I hope so!"

     So earlier today, the pastor announces that she was, indeed, proposed to.  About an hour after she told Pie what she did.  So I turn to Pie and I tell him, "If you decide that I'm the one and you ever propose, it better be fucking magical.  There better be all kinds of birds and a band and skydiving.  In fact, there should also be treasure finding, and you have to sword fight pirates for my hand in marriage."
     He just smiles and says, "I knew there was a reason I liked you."

     Because COME ON.  I don't want a sissy little engagement over a holiday with family gathered close.  I want something I'm going to remember the rest of my days!  Something I can tell my grandchildren and make their eyes light up.
     "Granpa fought PIRATES for you?" they'll say in their cute little naive and believing voices.  It won't even be a question, they just want to hear the story again.
     FUCK YEAH HE DID.  And he was dressed as a jedi.  Then Darkness from Legend appeared in a burst of fire, and your Granpa kicked him in his Tim Curry face, broke off his horns, stabbed him through the chest with his own horns, and then we rode away on tigers.

     My standards are now set ridiculously high and I refuse to lower them beneath the bar which requires me to suspend reality.  Pie better start practicing his sword fighting techniques right now.